RAMM #1

Hold on, dude!

 

 

Publisher: Megaton

Year: 1987

Ramm hails from a distant planet which had exploded leaving him hurling through the cosmos clinging to a small chunk of rock. Of course he manages to survive such an event and come crashing to the earth where he lands near a homeless drunk.

Not being able to communicate he jumps the guy and his ram horns turn into some type of tentacle input devices which he uses to insert into the ears of people to instantly learn the language :

 

Hot tentacle action!

 

After he is done making love to the bum’s ears he proceed to demand he get a job. Since the bum has no skills they decide to pretend he’s a ventriloquist using Ramm as the dummy. They make some money and proceed to have a meal at a diner while talking to an agent who sees them as a money-making opportunity

Ramm ingests carbs, which affect his body and make him grow 6 times his normal size. The duo get arrested but Ramm uses his new found strength to break them out of the police van. There is some evil dude plotting to get ahold of Ramm, which I’m sure we’ll know more about in the conclusion of the series in issue #2.

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A solid book that’s nice to look at and not too hard to struggle through the story. It’s worth a couple of chuckles, which is what these books should be about. If you want serious, you’re reading the wrong blog. Go bang your shin into something, really *really* hard.

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Animism #1

 

Publisher: Centurian Graphics

Year: 1987

Animism is the religious worldview that natural physical entities—including animals, plants, and often even inanimate objects or phenomena—possess a spiritual essence.

What does that have to do with this book? Absolutely nothing.

Animism is broken down into 3 different “stories”, culminating in the gripping origin of the character Black Bow.

Out for Blood

  “Radical” (who we learn about in the next “story”) is in some crappy part of St. Louis hanging out by the arch to meet some bad guys for some reason we don’t know. Three bad guys charge him, a guy with mohawk , 2 others wielding a ninja sword, sais and nunchucks (of course). He fries them, then for some reason this chick shows up, who at some point has killed his 14 year old brother that she had relations with in the past. 

It’s just °*@*° great! For reals.

She’s a slut who likes teenagers and freely admits it. She wants him back, but he flies off claiming that “its finally over”.

He could kill you, but decided to exercise instead.

Asylum

 The next “story” starts with Radical in a straight jacket in a padded room feeling depressed. He signed up for a group called Asylum for 2 years saying he needs their help. They gave him drugs so he would chill and wouldn’t  use his powers while they evaluate him.

He meets some “Sargent” looking dude, who busts his balls a little bit.

YOUR LATE. Yes, you r.
Finally, after all of this, Radical gets to meet his new team.
Black Bow, don’t you dare turn your back to him.

So we have the above mentioned Radical, who has some sort of energy blasting power and are now introduced to :

Slick — Happy go lucky peace sign throwing hippie guy. No clue what his powers are.
Black Bow — Rorschach rip off with a bow. He’s touchy.

Mistie — Can float through stuff, or something. She looks like a 1970’s prostitute in roller skating garb.

It would seem next they are made to run 10 laps around a nondescript track that had at least one right angle and appears to be hanging out in mid-air.

Radical: wearing the suit of Communists.

I would guess that this is where the initial “team bonding” experience takes place, but we have no real way of knowing since this part of the story line ends.

Secrets

  Black Bow walks down the street on his way to a job interview and gets dragged into the sewers by a monstrous hand. He claimed it burned and everything went dark.

Blacked out, we’ll never know the REAL story.
 He’s awakens chained up as the demon shows him the bow, then sics rats on him. They start biting him, which makes him somewhat annoyed as can be expected.

Somehow he suddenly gets the bow, quiver, Rorshach mask, some tights, and wants to kill the “creature” that did this to him, which has vanished. He was lost in the sewers for weeks, which he says gave him plenty of time to think.

The End.

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Your best bet is to either take acid, mushrooms or other hallucinogenic, wait 2-4 hours after ingesting and enjoy the hell out of this book. Or for some  outside enjoyment, give it to a friend who is tripping and ask them to explain it to you. That should be good for a laugh and the only way you will possibly get one out of this poor excuse for a book. Weed is not strong enough, you cannot smoke enough to get any real value out of this book.
Another possible alternative is alcohol. Get a group of drunk people together and act the book out. Make sure to film this and post it on youtube. The world NEEDS to see that.

Yes, I am advocating destroying brain cells in order to enjoy this book, look at it this way; they will get destroyed just trying to fumble through it anyhow so you might as well have fun in the process.

You have been warned. However, if you wish to find out for yourself feel free to click below and score yourself a copy!

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